(Be forewarned, it's long!)
I had been having a few more Braxton Hicks contractions for the couple weeks leading up to the birth, but nothing consistent and definitely nothing close to labor. I had a doctor’s appointment the day before my due date and she informed me that I was 2-2 ½ cm dilated and about 75% effaced, which was huge progress from the week before, where I was 1 cm dilated and not effaced at all. So that brought my hopes up. We also set up a day for me to be induced if I hadn’t gone into labor yet. The date was set for December 8th, one week past my due date. Lish and I left that appointment feeling good, knowing that there was finally a day when we knew that he would be here.
My due date came and went and I started sinking into a funk. I was thinking, against my better judgment, that maybe this baby never would get here. Lish and I started thinking of things we could do every day to distract us until the baby did decide to arrive. We didn’t have to do that for long. I woke up early Friday morning, around 3 am, with some pains that would come and go. When I first woke up, I honestly thought it was probably just gas pains. I switched positions but when I did, it woke Lish up and he asked if I was okay. “Yes, I was just rolling over.” (He told me later that he asked because he could feel me shaking.) Those pains came and went a few times while I was lying there and I started thinking, “Okay, this has to be more than gas. I think this could be labor.”
I got up around 3:20 and went to the computer to start timing the lovely contractions. They weren’t very far apart, so I didn’t wait too long before I woke Lish up. At 3:45 I went back into the room, woke Lish up and said, “Okay, I think this is it.” He immediately popped up and told me to take a nice warm shower. It felt good. Then we packed the rest of our stuff and headed upstairs so I could get something in my system. We called my parents (my dad was in Idaho on a business trip and my mom was coming to the hospital to be with us for the delivery) and woke up the in-laws. When I was on the phone with my mom, my contractions were getting so hard that I couldn’t talk to her. I had to hand the phone to my MIL. Then my contractions were getting really hard and I felt like pushing, which freaked me out because I knew I couldn’t be that close yet. I told Lish in a very panicky way, so he started the car and loaded all of our things in it. That was not a fun ride to the hospital, but my MIL was in the backseat rubbing my shoulders the whole way. It was so nice.
We got to the hospital sometime between 5:30 and 5:45. A nurse took me into triage to check me. When we got in there I asked to use the restroom. Right after she told me where it was I started having another contraction. I was standing up, so I leaned forward and braced myself, we heard a “pop” and then whoosh! My water broke, and it broke good! You know how it is in the movies? And they tell you to not expect that, that sometimes it’s just a trickle? Well, mine was straight from the movies. It was pretty incredible, and gross. The nurse looked at me and said, “Well, we don’t have to check you. We’ll just get you straight into a room.”
After my water broke, the pushing sensation stopped and my contractions actually got a lot milder. I guess the baby just wanted to get some of that fluid out of there. When they checked me, I was measuring at a 5 and 90%. I was making some progress! My mom got there not too long after. We put some Enya and Jim Brickman music on. (Don’t laugh or hate. That music is beautiful and it calms me.) During my contractions I would just close my eyes and focus on my breathing. A few days earlier, I had read about this technique that when you’re having a contraction to pay attention to your senses and surroundings. For example, when a contraction would start, I would start thinking, “I feel my hospital gown on my body. I feel the monitors and the band on my belly. I hear the monitors. I hear my baby’s heartbeat. I hear Lish encouraging me. I feel my mom holding my hand.” I would think about everything going on except the contraction. It actually helped a lot. In between contractions I would chat and try to make jokes. When they came to check me again, I was at a 7 and 90. I was thinking, “Okay, transition is coming up. I can get through this.”
The contractions stayed about the same for a while though, not too hard, but not comfortable by any means. By the time the doctor got there, she measured me at an 8 and 100%, but a stage -1, which I had been at the whole time. Still progressing at a good rate though! When my doctor and the nurse were in the room at one point, I started having a pretty big contraction, so I used my technique to get through it and afterwards, opened my eyes and said, “Ow.” The doctor laughed. She looked at me and said, “Ow? After that contraction all you can say is ow?” I told her I kept thinking “Ow, ow, ow” in my head, but I didn’t want to waste my energy during the contraction to try to say it. She thought it was funny.
The next time I was checked I was almost 10 cm. They said I just had a little lip, but I was still a stage -1. The nurse told me to either get up and walk around or sit on the medicine ball so that the baby could move down. I did not feel like walking at this point, so I sat on the medicine ball and my contractions were definitely getting hard. While sitting there, I actually was getting the urge to push after not too long. The nurse was telling me to hold off and wait until she could get the doctor back in and I had to move back to the bed. Let me tell you, it is not easy to try to not push when you want to push. I finally got back over the bed and the doctor came in, checked me and said I was ready. I asked, “Okay, so when I want to push, it’s okay to push?” I was relieved when she said yes.
My animal instinct kicked into overdrive at this point. I was making some serious grunting and pushing and screaming noises. I was being loud, or at least I felt I was being loud. After one of the contractions, I laid my head back down and said, “I’m sorry for being so loud.” The doctor laughed at me again for apologizing and reassured me that I was not being loud at all. (But I know I was. My throat was sore for the rest of the day.) I really didn’t know what was going on around me unless someone said my name. I kept my eyes closed the whole time during the pushing stage. I was trying really hard to focus on getting the task done. And it was hard. I handled transition okay, which people say is the worst part, but pushing was the hardest for me. (Not saying that transition was easy, because it definitely was not.) I felt like crying but didn’t have the energy. My mom was crying for me. And Lish almost cried, but he held it together because he knew that I needed him to. (He said that in all the classes we went to, they never once prepare the husband/partner for how hard it’s going to be to watch the person you love go through so much pain. He said if it hadn’t ended with a baby, it would have been one of the worst experiences of his life.)
I was only pushing for about half an hour I guess. I really didn’t keep track of the time. But Yale Dinari was born at 11:45 that morning, only 6 hours after we had checked into the hospital. Getting to see his little face and that little body and hold him and kiss him was absolutely amazing. And getting to experience that whole thing without any sort of medicinal help was awesome. I had accomplished my goal! I honestly would not have been able to do it without my incredible and loving support team! Lish was the best coach ever and he really helped me a lot. And my mom was wonderful and having her there was such a comfort. I owe them both a lot for helping me reach my goal!
People have asked me if I would do it that way again, and the answer is yes! I love that my body was able to handle that, not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. It wasn’t easy by any means. They really do call it labor for a reason. (So cliché, I know, but it’s true.) But now that I know it’s something I can do, and it’s something I can do without biting anyone’s head off, why not do it that way again? It was all worth it for me. And while it was one of the most challenging experiences of my life, it was definitely the most rewarding.
